When do you know enough is enough?

5 months ago, I made the decision to leave my job for another. I jumped at the first opportunity that offered me a “better future” – pay raise. What? $600 salary bump? Heck yeah! Little did I know, I would come to regret taking the offer…

It was a smooth start. The interview was so cordial, I felt like I could connect to the boss. I thought we would work well together. The first month was a little bumpy, as only almost a week in, my grandma passed, and I had to take a leave of absence of 5 days to be at the wake. She understood, and she even came to the wake to offer her condolences. I felt like I made the right choice to join her at her firm. All was well when I returned to work, learning things that are familiar yet so new to me. 

I’m an aggressive person, I admit. I am not someone who’s afraid to standup for herself when it comes to taking responsibility for something. If I did it and I clearly made a mistake, I am not someone who pushes the blame to another. However, I do not take the fall for anything that wasn’t done by me. And I would fight till the end to defend myself. Maybe it all went downhill from there.

Into the 3^rd month, she started being so hostile, saying I don’t check my work properly, throwing accusations that I do things wrong on purpose, … you get the drill. I acknowledge that I do talk back at times, but why should anyone swallow accusations for nothing? Are employees not entitled to defend themselves?

It got so bad, even my friend who works at the firm with me, told me to keep my options open and leave when I can – the hostility from her was just so bad that even my co-workers couldn’t stand it. Almost every single day she would say that I am just lazing around and not doing my work, and whatever I do, she gets another colleague to double check it because “I don’t trust her (a.k.a. me)”. She banishes me into a far away room because “you shouldn’t eat at your desk, it’s ugly”, and “why did you have to eat your breakfast at work every day”.

Do I tolerate it? Should anyone even tolerate it and not do anything about it? Does this count as workplace bullying? What happens if it is coming from the boss (not even a coworker / supervisor, but the owner of the business)? So many online help articles say that workplace bullying should be brought up to a higher management, but who is going to help you when the bullying comes from the highest authoritative figure in the company?  When do you say it’s enough? When do you know to walk away? Do you risk unemployment?

Sigh. Recently I’ve really been questioning my stupid decision to leave. Maybe dealing with a useless manager who only knows how to say that things are “not my expertise” is better than a boss who doesn’t even respect you as a person. I can deal with being given extra responsibilities; I can deal with staying late every day and going back to the office during the weekends. But tolerating someone who calls me dumb and useless for no apparent reason? Should I even bother?

If I stayed, would things have been different? If I took a different stance and said either the management did something about it rather than me just giving up and leaving, would I have been happier? I was already happy; I just didn’t like the extra responsibility at the time. Should I have been more patient?

I don’t get to see some of my best friends every day anymore, I don’t get to talk to them (face to face) every day anymore, I don’t get to whine over lunches and dinners and all the “coffee breaks” anymore. All for a $600 salary bump and my stupid ego? Good job, Crystal.

I can’t even begin to describe how stupid and hateful I feel towards myself right now. I just want to bury myself in my pillows and let out a big cry.